yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
