Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
