She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
