Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
