I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
