During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
