Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
