proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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