I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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