We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
