Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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