Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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