I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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