I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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