I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
