He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
