how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
