He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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