I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
now i know why i became what i already was.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
