Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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