...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
