oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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