I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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