Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
