Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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