ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
