Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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