i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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