Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
