everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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