Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so let's talk penis.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
