I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
