Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
