This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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