You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
