My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
