I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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