he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
