There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why was I lying under a truck last night?