I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to