This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.