so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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