I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.