Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize