Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.