oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.