So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???