im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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