Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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