Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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