My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
