i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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