Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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