I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
