you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
