Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
