She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
