summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
