Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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