Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
