..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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