i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just took my morning after pill in the library
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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