Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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