dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
