she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
