I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
