I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
