i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
