worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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