All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
