So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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