Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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