if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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