the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
