don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
