Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
