im about as happy as oj after his trial
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
