you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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