I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
