I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
