He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
