dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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