I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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