I'm jealous of your bromance
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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