i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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